What is this emptiness of thought?
Life was once a panorama of bright
                                                    unfamiliar landscapes of worlds.
                    a maze of syllables and
                                                gradual inclines of understanding.
                    a landscape of dull practice
                                                    punctuated by long books and
                                    slow fear
                  Solitude.
         Places only I could be
Music I heard, and nobody else.
                 Focus, attention
                  Perfection.
                                    Emptiness.
                                                      Vision.
         I never needed anybody.
         I needed only to be left alone.
         Nobody ever needed me.
         It was all so easy.

                 something’s happened though.
What is this new emptiness of thought?

What’s this need for talk
                        for dancing eyes
                             still togetherness
                             fleeting smiles
                                         that hide
                             memories that last?
What’s this fascination for speech?
          this need for understanding?
          this wish for companionship?
          this desire for another’s happiness?
Where has my self gone?
                                                               I am swimming in the sea                                                                     of another’s eyes
and the only language i speak is “forever”
                                                          why doesn't anybody hear?
                           i don’t think
                  anybody understands
how numb I have been
                                           (sat still too long)
how this rushing blood stings
                                           (like needles in my skin)
how i don’t work right still
                                           (just learning to move again)
how much help i need.

What is this emptiness of thought?
            and preoccupation
                                    with deed?
My heart is in another’s hands now.
My self evaporates in the heat of another’s gaze.
My mind follows the whims of another’s capricious fancy.

I never knew what I was missing.

What am I missing?